i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Randomize
