Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Randomize
