Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize