hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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