It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
