Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
