I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
