got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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