im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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