So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I am naked and annoyed.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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