the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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