you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
