Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
