Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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