...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
