somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Randomize
