im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
