so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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