You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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