11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
