Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
