you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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