So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
