I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
