Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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