You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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