When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
