worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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