fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
