hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize