My first STD was from a foam party
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
