Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
