I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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