i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
