i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
this beer tastes like vomit already
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
