I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
