He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
