We won't sleep together?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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