one word: firstdatebathroomanal
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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