His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
