it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
