ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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