I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
