i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
