brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
