Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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