Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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