just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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