i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize