did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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