It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
