mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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