i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
