People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We had sex on a dog bed..
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
