and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
