Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize