It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
