True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Randomize
