i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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