apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
