Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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