Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
