it hurts more in the daytime
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
