So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I need moral support for this bender
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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