PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
