I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
