If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
