I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
