Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
