just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize