In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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