you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have aggressive nipples.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
