I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
