am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Duck Duck Cougar?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
