Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
