you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize