Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm really busy with my period
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