i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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