I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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