So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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