pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
