would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can you bring me the toilet please
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
