I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
