I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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