i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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