I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Bring me that man meat
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
