she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
