She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just had sex on a roof
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
