do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
