i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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