it wasn't lemon gatorade
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
