you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
