So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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