They should really pass out barf bags in church
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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