sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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