ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
