There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
