ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
