if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize