You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
kristin has been a bad kristin
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
