3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She made me pour olive oil on her.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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