Someone shit on the floor
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Come on in and take your pants off
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