why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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