yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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