I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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