just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
