Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
