9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
should my penis look like a turkey
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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