after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
